I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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