i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
