The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
