Banned from zoo.
Again?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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