So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize