what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
