Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
