i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize