promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
