the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
