All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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