their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
