i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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