Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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