I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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