Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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