I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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