Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
