So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
