hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
