can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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