Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
