I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
