Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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