I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
