my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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