He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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