he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
