you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
