He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize