but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
