How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
