I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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