nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
