Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
