Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
