You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
