There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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