i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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