Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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