i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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