Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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