Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize