i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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