i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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