after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
