The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
