I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
