Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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