Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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