his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
