new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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