Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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