TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
