were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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