so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize