Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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