Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
