I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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