I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
