You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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