I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
