Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
