is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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