Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
