you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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