i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
