Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
