Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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