I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
