mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
